why do people do this [oc]

posted by u/Avamacky · 2026-10-29 17:41 UTC

inspired by recent events online

## Top comments

1. u/Dazed_and_Confused44 · 2026-10-29 17:43 UTC

I will never understand cheating. Like dating sucks ass. You won the dating game already. You retired from the game on top with someone who loves you. Why the fuck would you go back into the Arena?

2. u/hamderbeek · 2026-10-29 17:52 UTC

I'm no cheating expert, but I have to imagine most instances are crimes of opportunity. I'm sure there are some people just addicted to the chase, though.

3. u/SSilent-Cartographer · 2026-10-29 18:04 UTC

A lot of people think it's just an opportunity thing and end up closing off their partners from having any friends because of it. This evolved into a paranoid mentality of "they can't help it" where the issue is never addressed and they end up separating because of it anyway.

Cheating comes from a lot of deep psychological issues that nobody wants to confront. The selfish need to have a different partner a lot of times is like an addiction because they get a rush out of feeling like they're getting away with something. Some people can get it worked out, others are simply too self centered to be able to admit that they're the problem. Just depends.

However, the main thing is that a cheater is going to cheat no matter what you do, and unless they can address that to fix the behavior, no amount of control or boundaries will ever stop them because "getting away with something bad" is what drives the impulse a lot of the time

4. u/RShini · 2026-10-29 18:19 UTC

and some people feel like the relationship should always be in the honeymoon phase, all flutters and spark and get disappointment when that don't happen, and instead of working on it, they go out chasing that spark.

5. u/jackalope268 · 2026-10-29 18:50 UTC

I like to discuss cheating from an evolutionary standpoint, but its gotten some bad reactions before so i preface this by saying i absolutely dont condone cheating and if you use the "i cant help it" excuse youre at the same level of impulse control as animals.

Anyways, cheating is interesting, because humans evolved to be monogamous because better parents give children more chance of survival and human children are very resource heavy, so when we get them we better make sure they survive. But if a man cheats, he potentially creates offspring he doesnt have to raise, creating most of the benefits of reproducing with barely any of the resource investment. This works best when his monogamous partner has no idea and/or stays with him to raise their children together. If a woman cheats, she can essentially choose a set of genes that may benefit her children (and their survival) better than a man who would do a great job raising kids, so those children have the best of both sides. Monogamy works best if everyone does it, but if most people do it, the selfish cheaters get an evolutionary advantage, provided they do it right.

Also on my first point of not condoning cheating, as a species were far beyond the point of needing evolutionary benefits for survival. We have modern medicine now and children benefit way more from a loving relationship with their parents who also love each other than some random genes.

6. u/Dry-Permission-4542 · 2026-10-29 19:27 UTC

I find your speech amusing since it's unclear what's the purpose of sharing this information here and now xd

Though, an optimist can consume the story to use it as a reason to appreciate today's society. There can never be too many of those nowadays.

Btw, if you add some religion in your monologue, it can turn into a lit copypasta 😈

7. u/hamderbeek · 2026-10-29 18:33 UTC

You know what, that's a much better investigation of the rationale (or lack thereof) than I put forth. I suppose I'd like to believe the myth instead of the complex morass of psychology that motivates infidelity.

8. u/SSilent-Cartographer · 2026-10-29 19:00 UTC

I studied psychology and learning about these things can really give an uncomfortable sense of normalcy. Nothing excuses the behavior, but it gives you a perspective that can sometimes tug at your morals a bit as you begin to see the logic behind a lot of deplorable acts. But at the end of the day there's still a victim of the other's actions, and the morality to protect and defend those who have suffered never goes away, and never should.

But sometimes it is just that simple and you start to realize humanity is motivated by simple things in general. Anything that gives someone a rush can lead to addiction, sometimes it's the sex itself, sometimes it's secrecy, most times both. I've had to watch my mother be cheated on by two husbands and it was interesting to just see the cycle repeat itself, along with being deeply disappointing knowing it could have been prevented if the cheater would have just sot some mental health help for what they were feeling.

On the bright side, seeing and understanding the mistakes has helped me become a better partner for my wife. I'm not perfect, but It gave me an example of what not to be and what a healthy relationship should consist of. Sadly, something as simple as communication is often the key, and a lot of people just can't bring themselves to be humble and honest to their partners.

9. u/creatingKing113 · 2026-10-29 19:28 UTC

I like to say understanding does not equal endorsement.

10. u/SSilent-Cartographer · 2026-10-29 19:49 UTC

Well said.

11. u/Dry-Permission-4542 · 2026-10-29 19:31 UTC

Love seeing educated people putting words together well.

12. u/SSilent-Cartographer · 2026-10-29 19:51 UTC

I wouldn't give me that much credit, I'm highly dyslexic lol. But the compliment is appreciated

13. u/Dry-Permission-4542 · 2026-10-29 20:03 UTC

It's just that when people write long texts, they often get chaotic with their thought process.

I felt you did well in this regard unlike how it usually feels reading texts of such length.

14. u/SSilent-Cartographer · 2026-10-29 20:09 UTC

I definitely understand that one. I've gotten into some in-depth conversations on here that are difficult to keep track of because the sender goes way off topic or starts talking in circles.

15. u/Dazed_and_Confused44 · 2026-10-29 17:58 UTC

Opportunity for what? Ruining achieving the ultimate goal over a casual hookup?

16. u/hamderbeek · 2026-10-29 18:06 UTC

Pretty much, yeah. I hope it's clear I don't condone it. Just saying it's usually not because people are putting in a lot of intentional effort to make it happen, and aren't thinking beyond the immediate act.

17. u/Dazed_and_Confused44 · 2026-10-29 18:07 UTC

Thats fair. It just seems wild to me to be that controlled by horniness

18. u/hamderbeek · 2026-10-29 18:08 UTC

Horny people be stupid.

19. u/Dazed_and_Confused44 · 2026-10-29 18:13 UTC

It do be like that

20. u/FictionalTrope · 2026-10-29 18:18 UTC

Plenty of people are stuck in comfortable but unfulfilling long term relationships. You have financial obligations, you have to schedule whose turn it is to do chores, you might have constant tension from dumping a lot of emotions and stress on each other. After years of that it can become thrilling to find that fresh hormonal surge of being desired, learning a lot of new things about someone, and exploring a new body. An affair doesn't ask much of you. You don't have to remember to pick up their meds or clean up their dirty socks. They're probably always happy to see you and new relationship energy is incredibly powerful. In some ways it can feel like you won without even having to play the game.

Obviously this doesn't excuse how you make your partner feel when they find out about infidelity. However, viewing a long term relationship as "winning the dating game" doesn't prepare you for all of the emotional work that comes with maintaining and adapting a relationship over time. Sometimes it can feel more frustrating than dating was.